“Life is hard enough being single; do I have to be godly too?” I hear you say. If you’re a born-again Christian, YES!
Tell me, what is worth selling your integrity, purity, sanity and Heaven for that matter, for? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. “Yeah right!” I hear you again, “but you’re married, what do you know!” A lot, no one was born married! So as one who was once single I can draw on mine as well as on the experiences of others.
Let’s address some myths of single hood.
Myth 1: if you’re a virgin, you have to practice having sex before marriage. If not, you won’t know what to do?
The bible says sexual relations should only be within the confines of marriage. Neither practice nor ex-rated movies will supply you with the knowledge you need. When the time comes, God alone we teach you as He created sex and not the devil, besides it comes naturally!
Myth 2: “If you love me, you would do it! (have sex).
True love does not put pressure on the other, besides sex outside marriage is as a result of lust and not love.
Myth 3: Those who don’t have sex outside of marriage are wimps, lacking in passion or sad!
That’s a lie by peers to put pressure on you. Actually saying “no” takes courage and integrity and something you should be proud of and thankful to God for!
Myth 4: You need to masturbate to relieve sexual tension.
What you really need is to keep your heart pure with all diligence, Philippians 4:8. As a single person you must keep your mind fixed on Christ Jesus, flee youthful lusts (2 Timothy 2:22) and submit yourself to God (1 Peter 2:11).
Myth 5: “Once you hit 30 you’ve passed it! No one will want you!”
Please, do I really need to refute this one, it simply isn’t true! God has planned your life and he is faithful to accomplish what He promised!
Myth 6: “Once your 40 you can’t give birth or the baby will have Downs syndrome or something else wrong with it!
If your trust is in God then know that, “the blessings of God maketh rich and adds no sorrow to it.” The fact is God knows how to give good gifts to His children (Matthew 7: 9) and has been doing this for years, many women who gave birth in their 40’s can attest to it!
Myth 7: “You need to impregnate you girlfriend/fiancée before marriage, to make sure she’s fertile!”
This also is contrary to God’s word, it’s called fornication!
Myth 8: “It’s impossible to be Godly and single!”
In the book of Timothy it says: “let no man despise your youth, but be an example of holiness…” (1Timothy 4:12)
Myth 9: “If I dress seductively, I can attract a husband!”
You will attract a man, but I can assure you, he won’t be husband material!
Myth 10: “I won’t find a husband/wife in the church so I must look elsewhere”
Do you want a wedding day or a marriage? “ Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” this refers to the marriage relationship.
Myth 11: “The bible is outdated and not for this day and age I don’t see how it applies to me!”
It’s working for me and millions of other Christians, what makes you so special? This is basically an attitude of the heart.
Myth 12: “My future spouse and I must make a handsome pair!”
Since when does this define a good marriage? This also is a lie.
Myth 13: “Once I’m married my life will be fulfilled.”
No one can ever find fulfillment in a person; it is God who satisfies your every need!
Myth 14: “The man I marry must be rich, if he isn’t I won’t marry him!”
This belief is so sad and misguided. Many good men would be by passed with that attitude. Also, many rich husbands now were poor before they were married. What you must consider are: does he have a job and will this be sufficient for basic family needs. Obviously have plans to prosper, but let it be according to His will as found in His word, “beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health as your spirit prospereth…”
Myth 15: “Why should we have pre-marital counseling, there’s no real need for it!”
I don’t believe this question! When you were little and you had fantasies about how it would feel to be grown up, do you see how much different the reality is? Also, imagine having ice cream and compare with actually tasting it! This is more or less the same in marriage until you’ve been there you can’t imagine it! The beauty of pre-marital counseling is you have a peak at marriage through mental preparations. You will learn to work through issues and compromise within marriage.
Myth 16: “We need a long courtship to know if we’re right for each other.”
The truth is if you don’t know very early on, ‘having sought God’s face’, you probably not His will for each other!
Myth 17: “My future spouse must meet with the approval of my parents”
You have to be extremely careful here, because while you must honour them (Ephesians 6:1-2) you must balance it with obedience to God’s will (Isaiah 34:16). Sometimes, our parents wish for us concerning who we marry is based purely on selfish reasons, prejudice or plain disobedience to God’s will for us.
Who on earth, dreams up these ideas anyway? The devil of course, “for we are not ignorant of the devil’s devices…” The bible says, ‘marriage is honourable in all, the bed undefiled, but fornicators and whoremongers God will judge.” If you’ve fallen short in the past repent and abstain from youthful lust – don’t allow yourself to be put in that situation.
Let me assure you in all sincerity, it takes dogged determination and a lot of God’s help to abstain when single, when you’re in love, but with practice comes maturity – the alternative is NOT WORTH IT! “Let no man despise thy youth, but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.”
Go about your business and don’t let anyone give you the impression that you’re incomplete because you aren’t married yet. Let your main concern be to please God and He will grant your heart desire, if you trust in Him with all your heart and not lean on your own understanding.
Remember, “not one of these shall fail none shall want her mate”( Isaiah 32:16).
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