A: Money is one of the most common marriage problems that young couples will experience. The lack of money will create many further problems if not dealt with, and it’s not the sort of thing that you can ignore. Without proper management this could cause lots of arguments and even more stress for both of you.You are trying to do the right thing by talking about the money problems. There’s no point ignoring them and pretending that they are not there. Perhaps your husband thinks that you are blaming him for the lack of money. Try to explain calmly that this isn’t the case and that you’re both in the same boat together. Try to look for possible ways of fixing the problem as a couple.
Q: Andrew, Birmingham, Alabama, US – I’ve been happily married for quite a long time now and my wife is desperate to have children. I just got a new promotion at work and am concerned that children would cause us a lot of marriage problems. Also it would mean her giving up her job, which would put more pressure on my ability to earn money. What should I do?
A: Deciding to have children is something that you will both have to decide together. I can’t advise you whether to have kids or not. However, bear in mind that the window to have children will be much smaller than your career prospects. If you decide not to have children now then you might not find time for them in the future. If you do want children, then why not have them now? It shouldn’t affect your job too much anyway, you will just be tired for a couple of years! But as they say, no pain, no gain!Q: Sonia, San Francisco, California, US – Me and my husband spend a large amount of our time together arguing and it is difficult to get to the bottom of the problem. We have children together and I don’t want to give up everything, what can I do to have a happy life and find out why we argue so much?
A: Marriage problems like arguing can be very difficult because you need to find a way to break the cycle. Sometimes you might just argue because you are tired, stressed or frustrated. It is difficult, but realize that it takes two people to argue. Try to be the bigger person and not argue back. Just bite your tongue and see if you can resolve whatever problem calmly and patiently. This will take some time and a lot of determination, but it is possible.
Q: James, Tulsa, Oklahoma, US – Me and my wife have a young family and as my wife is looking after the kids she is unable to work. I have two jobs and am working all the overtime I possibly can. This is making me extremely tired and also means I can’t spend much time with my family, this is starting to cause me marriage problems. What should I do to give my family more attention?
A: While it’s good that you are working hard to provide for your family, also make sure you remember that they need you too. Try to take some time off work at the weekends and make plenty of time. Although you are tired, try to spare some time to play with your kids so that they enjoy your company. Then you could go to bed at the same time as them if you are really that tired. Just make sure that the tiredness doesn’t cause more marriage problems because you are irritable and argue.
Q: Ann, Houston, Texas, US – My husband works long hours and earns enough money to support the family, but he never helps me around the house. He makes more mess than anyone and never lifts a finger, I feel like a live in slave and that I’m not appreciated.
A: Mess can be a serious problem for any marriage, and you will need to get to the bottom of it. It can be frustrating that you’ve spent all day cleaning the house and then he comes back and messes it up. However, he might not realise he is doing anything wrong. It’s worthwhile talking to him about the problems and seeing if he will change. If you don’t ask, then you can’t expect him to do anything differently.