My name is John, a System Analyst with a top corporation in San Francisco Bay, North California. I am in a steady relationship with a wonderful lady with an equally promising career with an accounting firm in Lower Manhattan, New York City. Even though it is long distance we work on our relationship. We are in constant communication and make and take any opportunity to be together. It has been a year and I believe it is the right time to pop the question. Am confident she feels the same and would not turn down my proposal however I am perturbed at the fact that we reside and work in different cities. Marriage will mean one of us will have to relocate – can this have an effect on our marriage? What is the best relationship advice for long distance couples?
Before getting into marriage it is important to understand your partner’s career perspective and expectations. Is she a career woman who would like to advance in her profession? Is she willing to shelve her career for the sake of marriage? It may be unfair to ask your partner to sacrifice her career if it is a priority to her. Relocation may mean a career change – will moving to a new city provide her with the same career opportunities? If you still cannot get round this you should getting both of you some pre marriage advice.
What are your views on starting a family? When are you considering getting children? What will this mean to you as a couple – will one of you have to stay home and take care of the children? This issue is somehow tied to your career perspectives. Even though the children may come later in marriage it can influence who is to move. If you agree that one of you will be a stay home parent then he or she should consider relocating so as not to disrupt the others career. Pre marriage advice can come in handy to establish you and your partners’ family values.
As a couple you should be on the same page if, where and when you would consider buying a home. Does one partner or both of you already have homes? Are you going to give these up for your family home? Pre marriage advice can highlight this issue and help you make an informed choice. If one partner is already residing at your ideal home location the other should consider relocating to make it easier to achieve this dream.
Who will be responsible for paying the bills? Will you be sharing the bills? If you will be responsible for the bills then it is better if your spouse relocates to your city. Your ‘new’ marriage can do with minimal disruption in finances. The bread winner career should not be compromised as your entire financial future depends on it. Through premarriage advice you can prepare yourself and your partner for the new financial obligations.
Relocation after marriage depends on so many factors and will equally affect life after marriage. You could always seek premarriage advice if you cannot make a decision between the two of you.