Not too long ago, there was a tending story by a couples therapist explaining things that they had learned over the years through counseling couples. All of it was run of the mill you have to work on your loneliness yourself, do not explode when things go awry, avoid doing too much to please your partner and on and on it was the usual rigmarole that many of us have heard time and time again but what you should be asking yourself before you pay a counselor is this: Are there certain things that this therapist knows that I don’t? Training aside, are they here to help my relationship get better?
Couple counseling is a business
This is one thing that many couples fail to acknowledge. The truth is that while couples counselors have a big role to play in keeping couples together they are in business to make money. Why is it, for instance, that today there are more counselors than ever but the rate of divorce, breakups and separations is unprecedented? It is human nature to want to seek out the people that we think have the answers but in doing so it is very important not to throw common sense out the window.
Does the counselor have a healthy relationship themselves?
If you are paying someone to give you relationship advice it only makes sense that they be somewhat very skilled in keeping relationships themselves. Before you pull out your wallet or your check book find out if the counselor you are considering is in a healthy, long term relationship. Many of them are relationship losers who have no business trying to fix anyone’s relationship.
Is there a chance that by the time you are through with therapy you will be paying a divorce lawyer?
When it comes to relationships we have failed as a society and maybe it is because we are very keen to listen to experts when we should really be listening to ourselves and our partners. Your couple counselor should have a high success rate. True, there are some that will be impossible to mend but if people leave their offices and seek out a divorce lawyer that right there will be you in a few months time. Look for someone who is invested in you as a couple working out.
These are just two things that you should take into account before you hire a couple counselor. Ask yourself, will we come out of this stronger together or weaker as a couple?