Questions: My name is Johnson, and I’m 36 years old. It’s been long that I’ve had any real relationship with any girl. I’m getting old probably losing charm, and I’m too scared to live a life alone, without any partner. It’s not that I don’t find women who could like me, but I’m just not able to sustain a good relationship for long. Now, at this age, it’s seems to be getting difficult day by day to find a perfect match. Please help! Johnson Wonderstone, Los Angeles.
Answer: The way you have put up your questions clearly signifies the lack of confidence and self-esteem. In order to have a good relationship with someone else, you need to have a respectful relationship with yourself. How much are you aware of your own needs and desires? Do you put efforts to fulfill them? Take one of our love quizzes and you’ll get a clear idea about what’s restricting you to get into a good, lasting relationship.
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Every person needs to build self-esteem before establishing a serious relationship with someone else. If you already feel down about yourself and enter a relationship, you may expect the other person to make you feel better all the time. This can put a lot of strain on your relationship. Some of the most common reasons include :
- An unnecessary constant burden on your partner to make you feel better.
- A constant shift of power in your relationship so that you can keep pleasing the other person.
- Losing sense of your ethical and moral values in a relationship.
- Accepting unnecessary poor treatments because you always feel you deserve it.
With low self-esteem, you are always trying too hard in a relationship to keep the other person happy or you don’t try at all. This is because you’ll either feel you’re not worthy of your partner and need to make constant efforts to make her or him happy so that you don’t lose him/her. On the other hand, you may even feel that there’s nothing you can do to make your partner happy and stop trying at all.
This can be quite annoying for your partner. In fact, it may even give him or her a sense of pride and you may be mistreated. This will only worsen your problem and have a great impact on your self-esteem. Therefore, you may find yourself stuck in a vicious circle. In order to build and sustain healthy relationships, you need to make some efforts to improve your low self-esteem. Contrary to the common notion, improving self-esteem is not a very difficult process. You need to bring some subtle changes to your thinking and look at life from a different perspective. Most importantly, you need to value yourself. Here are some ways to build your self-esteem and have healthy relationships :
Pay Attention to Needs and Wants – It is extremely important to pay attention to your needs and wants. You need to understand what your mind and body are trying to tell you. For instance, if your body tells you that you’ve been standing for too long, just sit down and relax for a while.
Take Some Time Out for Yourself – In order to feel good about yourself, you need to listen to music, play a musical instrument, get involved in sports, fly kites or perform activities that keep you interested. You should make a list of all the things you enjoy. Keep doing something from this list on a daily basis.
Don’t Keep Looking for Perfection – People who keep looking for perfection feel disappointed when they don’t achieve it. This can make you feel bad about yourself. Instead of perfection, you should focus on your accomplishments. Think about all those things you’ve accomplished in life and feel proud of yourself. Take our relationship quizzes to understand if this factor really cost you some good relationships.
It is extremely important to change negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. You need to be patient and take things slowly. Unnecessary pressure on yourself will only hit your self-esteem hard. If you keep following the above mentioned tips for about a month or so, you will notice some significant improvement. Your negative thoughts will be replaced with positive feelings about yourself. Just don’t give up on yourself. You need to understand that everybody deserves something better in life. Once you are able to follow these tips and bring some improvement, tally the score of love tests before and after. The results will be impeccable!