This is John from Peoria, Illinois. I am a newly married man. I tied the knot with my wife just over 6 months ago and I do not regret it for one minute. She is my soulmate and I want to stay with her forever. It feels like since we have been married a lot of issues have come to the surface which either did not exist before or were not a problem for us. I know that a marriage requires work and is not all plain sailing. But what is the right amount of marriage issues to deal with? I am so new to marriage I do not know if what I am going through is normal.
Answer – Every Wedded Couple Have Their Own Marriage Issues
It is good that you are realistic about your marriage early on. A lot of couples are naive and expect real life to be a fairy story when it definitely is anything but. Most marriages have more issues than a long running magazine! If you focus in on these pieces of advice you can be back on track in no time.
Treat Your Situation As Unique
I love how your question sought to improve such a young marriage. I think there is one aspect of marriage that you are somewhat misguided in however. There is no ‘correct’ level of marriage issues that a couple will go through. Comparing yourself to other couples is useless as firstly, you do not know what is really going on below the surface in their lives and secondly, every relationship is unique and should be treated as such. When you stop seeking the ‘right’ level of issues to deal with and instead try and determine the right level for your relationship that you are happy with you are likely to make better progress.
Focus On The Bigger Picture
It is good that you aware that your marriage has some issues you want to work on. But you need to see them in the wider perspective of the relationship. If you focus on only the issues that you are facing, rather than looking at them alongside the parts of the relationship that are working well and you are happy with, then you risk making your marriage seem more negative than it really is. If you struggle to see things in a balanced way then force yourself to think of something good about your marriage every time you think of something bad. Having a written list of both positive and negative points can also be beneficial.
Prioritize Your Marriage Issues
Once you have put your relationship into perspective and can see the good points along with the issues you wish to work on then it is time to figure out what really matters to you. There is no such thing as the perfect marriage and attempting to fix everything at once is a recipe for failure and disappointment. Instead, focus on a couple of issues at a time. Approach them in a careful, gradual way and you will see a slow and sustainable improvement over a period of time.